pre-matrix

进matrix前的最后一篇blog。。。
mummy你不用担心，既然我决定了，就不会三心两意，既然我答应了你，就不会出尔反尔，就算那里只剩下我一个人，就算那里比监牢还监牢，我也不会反悔，只希望你不要因为我点头去matrix你才对我这么好。不必担心我是否会适应，船到桥头自然，我没有与众不同，也不是千金小姐，不需要差别待遇，别人可以，我也可以

我对a-lvl已经没有什么幢景了，除了她，那里的人，事，物已经无法再让我有一丝的牵挂或不舍了~ 不该有不忍，不该有犹豫，不该有牵挂，不该有绝对的相信，不该被影响，不该有怯怯，这是宇宙的生存原则，你明白吗？

matric or a-lvl?

The JPA announcement day is around the corner and it is approaching, it is high time for everyone to make a decision of their life.I m not the exception either, hestitation had gripped me. Overwhelming wif all sort of perspective and a fabulous range of views, i m fraught with vexation conjuncted with jiterry. Altot my mum "empowered" me to set the stage for my future bt i noe that my mum hope that i can choose matrix instead of A-lvl. She tries her best to find all kind of matrix information ( better known as the advantages of matrix) and even phone to her peers for futher confirmation. All this reaction tell-tale about her enthusiam toward matrix and her determination in order to convince me to go matrix. As a daughter who practice filial piety >< , of coz i cant let her distraught with disappointment. Till now,what else i can say n wat else i can do,NUS ,NTU,SAT,all seem to b fictitous to me , an illusioin that will b waned with time after i enrol to matrix, grief run riot in me, bt i can only smile to myself reluctantly and find thousand of self-console pretexts to supress the grievance. Quality of A-lvl compare wif matrix sure is matrix take a back seat and it is thrown into the shadow,bt if is measure from all other aspect such as $$ ,it is much more worthy....the only scar that left is that i have to leave all my A-lvl frenz which are funny and adorable , ecspecialy sherlin...she had summoned up her courage to take a-lvl course alone without the accompany of her previous old frenz n destiny play trick wif her again...after,she acknowledge me and get along superbly wif me bt nw i m going to matrix,she lose her dearest frenz that she ever care and love agn T.T srry sherlin if i reli go matrix ~

caught in bind

I'm facing a dilemma now which had strained my brain and racked my spirit in order to find a way. Apart from choosing the "right" place to study, i m nw confused n brood over hw many and wat sub shud i choose for my a-lvl? IT is very critical since each sub has a stake in my future, either bio or fz play an important role, i m not bear enof to giv up anyone.However,some exhort me to take 5 sub bt i know tat once i have taken up 5 sub i wont have much leisure time left coz it call for lot effort to achieve 5A in a-lvl. I m compelled to make a decision, no more shilly-shally ,no more hesitation that can ruin my future. I have leave no stone unturned to solve my predicament bt all in all i still have to make decision,a right decision tat i never regret abt it.i have been exposing to all these issues for 3 month. nw,the main question is, m i nearer finding an effective solution than where i was when i first sensitised to the prob??? i did nt grow out of these prob either ==

my cavalier atitude toward sanctity of life is the main reason for y i m owes a failure.LIFE is not movie that being shown in cinema to propagate or ingrain MORAL value or etiquette.Instead,life is a eternal & endless war in which human r not eligible to put a stop on it. the consequence or the conclusion of life is not obvious and manifest and even out of control human control. HUMAN being who owes pride themselves as the dictator of world will never perceive hw trivial they are in front of LIFE. the war of life will last forever as long as human's greed,anger and selfness exist.HUMAN are jeopardising themselve and prepare to succumb to therid own scandal and stigma. so......before the whole world perish...i hope tat i can graduate fron NUS first XDDDD

omg

I m confusing and "perplexing"(learnt from zi hern's blog)too while comtemplating and brood over my predicaments...
MY future path,my career route all depend on my present choices, i mus think twice and my decision shud encompass all factors under the sun.I have no much time leaving nw i cant b shilly-shally and hesitation shud not exist in my mind nw, i mus seize the right occasions and opportunities in front of me.ANY veils tat preventing me from making right decision shud b fall away nw,i shud dispel and disperse all the notion that forbiding me to make correct choice...

Reality may b cruel,grim,relentless,merciless,brutal and heinous,things may not turn out as hope,ur wishes were owes b shattered once the truth r revealed. this is the inexorable n indisputable fact that no one could escape.being stiffled n overwhelmed by too many choices is not a gud matter either...U may b dragged into moment of indecision,jus lyk the circumstance that i m facing nw.

at first,fighting for the JPA which so many competitors yearn for,aspire to,compete for,vying to,eyeing to,crave for,thirst for ,desire for ,pine after is a tough task for me.even if i get it, i oso will b black and blue ><(so i temporary relue out and sideline this posibility first)

nex issue which come under spotlight is my recent tends to apply for nanyang poly which is located at sg. phase out the competitors who inflict lot challenges for me,there r so many courses to consider over,==,agn problems arise...purportedly,green tech and clean energy management r the most sought-after career in the future prospect due to the depletion of petroleum and the pollution plagueing over our environments which can lead to the perish of this world (jus lyk the movie of 2012),so,there mus b holistic approach to eliminate POLLUTION by developing eco-friendly energy in order to save our earth from degenerating and deteriorating.GOV:we have all this while been neglecting our environment so it is time for us to unite our comitment to mend this mistakes (actually it is jus my perception,gov didnt say it ><)

(to b continued)

同情

“我不需要你们的同情”，当你脱口而出的狂言为你“赢得”骄傲自大，目无尊长，自以为是的罪名时，我可以体会你的反应，并不是因为我也同情你，我反而认为你活该，咎由自取。每个人都应该为自己的一切负责，是好或坏都不应该从他人的眼光找出定位，如果所犯的过错程度能借于他人的同情而减低的话，那么杀人是不是勿需偿命？我知道你拒绝别人同情的那一刻，你已经下定决心要自己承担，你不希望他人的“同情” 动摇你的决心。。。往往“同情”才是造成社会大众不懂得“负责”这个价值观。犯了错指望他人的同情继而不负责任与狂妄地拒绝他人的同情而自己解决问题的人，谁该舍，谁该得，一目了然吧！勇于承担过错却换来好心没好报的咒骂，我也只能为你决心苦笑。我选择不站出来说话，或许是众怒难犯，或许我等着看好戏，或许让你用时间和行动来证明，效果会更好。。。我老师曾经告诉过我积非成是这个定律 或者更能解释为什么我要选者保持沉默。。。“同情”不失为一个良好至上的观念，但是这个如雷灌耳的“同情”不经过滤考量地被灌输，从道德课本里的每页每课至到年老万分对孙儿的叮嘱不外也是“同情”“善良”“礼貌”等等。所以，这个耳熟能详的“同情”已在大家的心中根生地固了，因此也不能对大家心中坚持的信念做出攻击，更无法阻止“同情”的滥用，就像难以解释理所当然以外的逻辑。该怎么撇开纠缠人类甚久的规矩呢？虽然不能纠清自己的想法，虽然被误会无法解释，但你的义无反顾，那愿为千夫所指却也能屹然不动的行径的确让我很佩服。佩服归佩服，但我不会支持你，更不会为你加油打气之类的。我知道你不需要，更何况我们的立场也不同，我没必要助敌人一臂之力而影响自己的形象。我看我连“保重”也不必说了了吧，自己好自为之=3=

education

昨天去了新加坡在kl举办的升学展和IMU 的 MAIN CAMPUS(AT KL OSO)~
原本信心满满地询问dentistry 的course，那个长得还算ok的kaunsellor 告诉我，singapore 一年只收48个dentistry的学生，comprise of 20% foreign student only！！！tat mean not more than 10 ppl from foreign country can join the PRECIOUS 10 slot... student worldwide would have to fight for the 10 slot ==,summore a fabulous of exam,interview n oso the dexterity test would carry out before u r eligible to the sg dentistry course , omg ,then if i ever habour any hope of emulate all those my competitor then i have to go through the grind of practise hard ==''...futhermore all the test test test before i enroll to their sch may eat up lot of my PRECIOUS time + dentistry nid many yrs of toil in their colledge oso...after i graduate mayb i oredi 人老珠黄==
SO, after i weight the pros n cons , i make a heart-breaking decision tat is GIV UP my intention of persuiting a dentistry course in singapore T.T...
(but i got reap some benefit from the fair too,eg i take lot of pen,bag, notepad,n oso the key chain>< i lyk the 鱼尾狮doll key chain alot so i keep "steal" from the kausellor XD)


next,i proceed to IMU main campus for their open day ...for everyone knowledge, IMU is now the mos seek after n well-known for it science-related course,after the 3 hours-last kaunselling session,i found out that biotech, nutrition n dietetics, paraceutical chemistry have the best job outlook n career prospect...this is becoz this 3 jobs rely on not only ur professional knowledge ,expertise but oso ur own creative n curiousity ,unlyk the other medical job which r only depend merely on ur knowledge lvl ...it is undisputable that the doctor,pharmacy,chemical engineering would have high-paid job but the growth of the income r constant futhermore if count from aspect of pressure,working hour,holidays,working environment ,doctor r the worst ...i consent wat he said.altot the salary for the postgraduated biotech student may b low(RM2000-RM3000) but there r owes a high leap for these students by becoming researcher proffesor.lecturer or even consultan...so now , i might eradicate the idea of becoming dentist n the idea of take part in biotech or nutrition revolving aroung my mind ...haiz,confusing now ==

memory

今天是开学的第一天。。。
和以往不一样的是，我可以不必慌慌张张，手忙脚乱，不甘不愿地准备上学用具也不必收拾我玩得乐不思蜀的心情，少了一份紧张当然却也多了一份黯然和郁闷。。。
考完所谓的“终极大考”SPM 后的预想和现实情况的简直天渊之别（显到要死！！！！）
想起刚入中一试的情景真的令人回味无穷。。。

刚入中一，我和欣婷两人可说是相依为命>< 我们背景离“家”地来到这个人生地不熟的“纳杜彭加华过重”，望着一张一张好奇的脸。。。“今年的中一好小只阿”这是令我印象最深的一句话，不过忘了那发言人是谁了。富有爱"送死精神“的我和欣婷把我们的”千金“包袱---书报丢在课室后就到处去”探险“，(computer room 后面也跑去）只差没有跳下鱼塘了==

（各位读者请眨一下眼）


俗话说一眨眼就是一年><
到了中二，跟广悦比较熟，还记得他那凶神恶煞的样子让我帮他取了灭绝师太的外号><(还好他没有看我的部落各）。今年我成为了华文学会的推荐理事>< 一个让我见识到什么是团结就是力量，设么叫做有志者事竟成。。。看着各位领导魄力一流的高层，看着一个个扣人心铉的活动举办成功，让chokia chokia 的我改变不少。今年也是让我对绍勤改观的一年。science lab 时跟他同组，发现他除了长得“抱歉”一点（开玩笑）其实满好相处，爱开玩笑，有趣好玩。。。偷偷告术你们，有一次他椅子做不稳，差点跌下去然后吓到一下的样子真实好笑〉《他以为没人看到，害我不好意思笑出来，拼命忍XD...有一次子恒和舜恩打架，不懂是什么误会，不过还好最终和好如初，yeah~ ( 还好我赌他们最后会和好〉0<)


(请各位读者转12圈）



new moon saga 里教的，转一圈=一个月....XP
中三了，家伟转来我们学校，每天变魔术来骗我们〉《
今年可以说是我成绩最差的一年了，不懂为什么（犯太岁？？？）
今年也是我加入乒乓队的一年。。。
要不是龚老师我早就不打了。。。龚老师对我很有信心保证我会拿冠军，不过我让他失望了，不懂为什么我会在赛场上会怯场,球，似乎不再我的控制范围T。T
michelle 也在今年尾转校了。
很像是在今年我开始沉迷于电脑><


中四，还记得azri好恐怖><。。。
有一次玉盈打盹被抓到然后被他喊处去白板做题目, 玉盈在做的时候他还一边骂，这样吵人家怎样做哦==。那一次玉盈哭了，吓到我。
今年，慈爱也加入我们了。我，新亭和慈爱就排排坐XD
有两个老师我超爱的，salina n saadah i love u ><
在今年也开始和晶妮混熟了。她真是个好人，体谅人，爱助人。所以每次让我占便宜，让我欺负XD(WEIJIE不要生气）



中五，被踢到后面去做，也好，在后面睡觉。。。
每天做梦睡觉时Miss掉的东西借晶妮的就好了><
今年有个magazine比赛，到目前为止，我都还在做云顶高原的梦XD
(my pizza hut voucher expire le T.T)
跟文心，凯盛和子恒也越混越熟了到最后直接堆在后面玩耍,聊天，完全不把老师放在眼里，他们将他的，我们玩我们的，每天都很chokia但也很开心^^
我还记得，不懂是那里一只在我位子meeting吃完东西后把我位子弄肮脏的然后不要扫害我被Indra讲=3=
banana jinx, nerdy noob nooby nerd,爱到不敢冒险，bapak dia,完美并不美，好多好多的kata istilah ><
我们班的那两位色佬也在今年迫不及待的交女朋友了XD祝福他们^^

last, i will keep all these memory foever to the eternity ,thx for all for giving me such a valueblememory,i will cherish it ><